I went to Utopia and made out with a guy

Recently, I’ve been watching Utopia on FOX.  The first episode introduced 15 people who were chosen to live in a “utopia” for a year.  The only thing they could bring was a small… Continue reading

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A man cheated on his wife with me… and she wrote a book about it.

I was 22—fresh out of the Midwest living in LA, optimistic as hell, and still had my lip pierced. The first job I had here was at a camera store. It was was… Continue reading

Stop Googling Your Dates

I SHOULD really take my own advice on this one.  The Internet can completely sabotage your life and make you look like a horrible crazy person. For example — the first page of… Continue reading

Getting Future Islands Tickets Is Always More Important Than Modeling

“This looks just like my prom dress!” the freckly 18-year-old model from Chicago said. I listened to her bubbly voice as I sat on the plastic IKEA chair in my nude thong and… Continue reading

So… Birth Control Makes You Attracted To Feminine Men

New post for Lady Clever: I’VE BEEN ON and off (mostly on) birth control pills since I was 18. Preventing unwanted pregnancy, although important, was not the main reason I started taking them.… Continue reading

Got a flat tire and filled the pothole myself. Also, it’s a conspiracy.

I got a flat tire driving home a few nights ago.  The pothole is conveniently located in front of a tire repair shop. I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy. If you like Jesse… Continue reading

I Overheard Leo Talking Shit About Matt Damon

THE FOLLOWING is a totally fictionalized, though potentially real, account of Leonardo DiCaprio talking smack on everyone’s favorite dad, husband, talk show host, oh and movie star, Matt Damon. Leo went on SNL one time.… Continue reading

Fellas: Stop Calling Women Crazy

I’ve heard “we broke up because she was psycho” exactly one million times. Was she? Did she have multiple personalities and try to kill you? Did she create a fake Facebook account and… Continue reading

I’d Rather Get To Know You In Person

I drove 5 hours back to LA from visiting my sister in Mariposa and went straight to a commercial audition. As soon as I got off the 101, the anxiety I had left… Continue reading

Conor Oberst’s Rape Accuser Said “It Was A Goof!”

Just kidding, but how hilarious would it be if she actually said that? “Hey Melissa, who the fuck is Conor Oberst?” said no one. He’s the singer from Bright Eyes who was accused… Continue reading

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    @thechrisarmy and I are finally doing a podcast. Link in my profile. iTunes link will be coming soon! We talk about sluts and tall guys. Live read of Bad Seed! Featuring @amandafunbuns @m_blasucci & @mollyhawkey
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