I Overheard Leo Talking Shit About Matt Damon

THE FOLLOWING is a totally fictionalized, though potentially real, account of Leonardo DiCaprio talking smack on everyone’s favorite dad, husband, talk show host, oh and movie star, Matt Damon. Leo went on SNL one time.… Continue reading

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Fellas: Stop Calling Women Crazy

I’ve heard “we broke up because she was psycho” exactly one million times. Was she? Did she have multiple personalities and try to kill you? Did she create a fake Facebook account and… Continue reading

Here Are All The Pills I Take!

Cuz I’d probably be dead without them:    

I’d Rather Get To Know You In Person

I drove 5 hours back to LA from visiting my sister in Mariposa and went straight to a commercial audition. As soon as I got off the 101, the anxiety I had left… Continue reading

Conor Oberst’s Rape Accuser Said “It Was A Goof!”

Just kidding, but how hilarious would it be if she actually said that? “Hey Melissa, who the fuck is Conor Oberst?” said no one. He’s the singer from Bright Eyes who was accused… Continue reading

Impressions of 90s TV Stars!

  Clearly I have a natural talent:        

I took a pregnancy test!

  Crippling anxiety and panic that you may have a creature growing inside of you is fun!!!  

Real Men Don’t Exist, Well, At Least Not In LA…

New post for Lady Clever: REMEMBER that scene from Adventures in Babysitting where the gang had to pick up their car at Dawson’s garage?  I don’t know if it’s possible to be in love… Continue reading

Dear Ok Computer, I Wish I Had Written You

I read an essay for the LA Women of Letters show at The Mint.  The notes were to write a letter to something you wish you had written.  I chose my favorite album… Continue reading

Depression Is The Worst

Three weeks ago I had a routine appointment with my psychiatrist. I’ve been taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro for about a year, and I told him I was sick of feeling tired in the… Continue reading

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