Stop Googling Your Dates

I SHOULD really take my own advice on this one.  The Internet can completely sabotage your life and make you look like a horrible crazy person. For example — the first page of… Continue reading

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Getting Future Islands Tickets Is Always More Important Than Modeling

“This looks just like my prom dress!” the freckly 18-year-old model from Chicago said. I listened to her bubbly voice as I sat on the plastic IKEA chair in my nude thong and… Continue reading

So… Birth Control Makes You Attracted To Feminine Men

New post for Lady Clever: I’VE BEEN ON and off (mostly on) birth control pills since I was 18. Preventing unwanted pregnancy, although important, was not the main reason I started taking them.… Continue reading

Got a flat tire and filled the pothole myself. Also, it’s a conspiracy.

I got a flat tire driving home a few nights ago.  The pothole is conveniently located in front of a tire repair shop. I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy. If you like Jesse… Continue reading

I Overheard Leo Talking Shit About Matt Damon

THE FOLLOWING is a totally fictionalized, though potentially real, account of Leonardo DiCaprio talking smack on everyone’s favorite dad, husband, talk show host, oh and movie star, Matt Damon. Leo went on SNL one time.… Continue reading

Fellas: Stop Calling Women Crazy

I’ve heard “we broke up because she was psycho” exactly one million times. Was she? Did she have multiple personalities and try to kill you? Did she create a fake Facebook account and… Continue reading

I’d Rather Get To Know You In Person

I drove 5 hours back to LA from visiting my sister in Mariposa and went straight to a commercial audition. As soon as I got off the 101, the anxiety I had left… Continue reading

Conor Oberst’s Rape Accuser Said “It Was A Goof!”

Just kidding, but how hilarious would it be if she actually said that? “Hey Melissa, who the fuck is Conor Oberst?” said no one. He’s the singer from Bright Eyes who was accused… Continue reading

Impressions of 90s TV Stars!

  Clearly I have a natural talent:        

I took a pregnancy test!

  Crippling anxiety and panic that you may have a creature growing inside of you is fun!!!  

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    You guys, I have a radio show on Playboy with @thechrisarmy. It's called Stop Being Awesome. Shows will be posted soon! Thanks @patricksantaana for these amazing products! He's an awesome makeup artist too fyi. You guys should follow him for pretty pictures of models.
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