A friend of mine was telling me about the two years he spent online dating in San Francisco. He went on hundreds of dates, which is the actual definition of Hell for me. He’s very outgoing and has tons of energy (he checks into Soul Cycle at 6am every day according to his Facebook page) so this wasn’t at all surprising to me, but just hearing the phrase “online dating” gives me exhaustion.… Read more
“So, what do you do?”
I used to dread this question. I’d mumble something like, “I kind of write sometimes and I’m a semi-retired model, what do you do?” Deflecting attention off myself was a constant mission. I never wanted to talk about my life because it never seemed as interesting as what everyone else was doing.… Read more
“Say goodbye to Asa,” I held my cat and faced her towards her best friend of six years.
When splitting up cats that grew up together, you have to make sure the cat staying sees the other cat leave, otherwise they’ll be confused and look for the other cat.… Read more
I was 22—fresh out of the Midwest living in LA, optimistic as hell, and still had my lip pierced. The first job I had here was at a camera store. It was pretty shitty, but I got to meet Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper) and oddly enough the man my high school was named after, Loy Norrix.… Read more
“This is what happens when you don’t let me see my cat.”
Jane pulls back her hospital bracelet to reveal two giant scars on her wrist. I cringe and look at the nurse. She doesn’t react, but instead slides a piece of paper over and asks me to sign.… Read more
(This article originally appeared on Hello Giggles)
The cat lady: lonely, mid-thirties, has two or more cats, at least one cat-themed item of clothing, and spends a lot of time reading about cats’ behavioral patterns online. Did you know if a cat’s tail is shaped like a question mark they want to play with you?… Read more
“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is the Lynwood jail?”
“6,” texted my lawyer friend.
A stream of unfortunate events involving drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence ended with my friend being arrested and put in jail two weeks ago. She is the furthest thing from a criminal, but with the way her life has been going the past few years it was either this or death.… Read more
It’s the perfect environment for stupidity to flourish. It lacks any civil discussions or rational debate. It can raise your blood pressure or ruin your day and make you say, “Fuck you” aloud to no one but your cat peacefully sleeping on your lap.… Read more
My first car was a stick-shift. I learned to drive that thing within the first hour of getting it. I loved blasting my Wu-Tang Forever CD and pretending I was a racecar driver through the desolate streets of Kalamazoo, Michigan. There’s nothing more frightening than a 16-year-old with a new driver’s license and love of rap music.… Read more
(Original article posted on The Style Con)
The greatest artists in the world were clinically depressed: Picasso conceived an entire collection of artwork around his sadness; his “Blue Period” was paintings of miserable people and prostitutes. Kafka was suicidal while writing The Metamorphosis, and Bukowski was such a miserable alcoholic he couldn’t help but write about how much he hated everything and everyone.… Read more
I SHOULD really take my own advice on this one.
The Internet can completely sabotage your life and make you look like a horrible crazy person. For example — the first page of my Google search results is a total f*cking nightmare.… Read more
I’ve heard “we broke up because she was psycho” exactly one million times. Was she? Did she have multiple personalities and try to kill you? Did she create a fake Facebook account and flirt with you to test your loyalty, and when you agreed to meet up with the fake flirt, she showed up with your dead cat on her head that she made into a Davy Crockett hat?… Read more
I drove 5 hours back to LA from visiting my sister in Mariposa and went straight to a commercial audition. As soon as I got off the 101, the anxiety I had left behind immediately returned and I could feel my face getting warm and my eyes getting wet.… Read more
New post for Lady Clever:
REMEMBER that scene from Adventures in Babysitting where the gang had to pick up their car at Dawson’s garage? I don’t know if it’s possible to be in love at 5-years-old, but I would’ve packed up my Care Bears and days-of-the-week underwear and moved to the windy city for Dawson. … Read more
I read an essay for the LA Women of Letters show at The Mint. The notes were to write a letter to something you wish you had written. I chose my favorite album of all time: OK Computer. Moby and Tim Minchin were also in the show. … Read more