Dating In Your 30s: Ugh

A friend of mine was telling me about the two years he spent online dating in San Francisco. He went on hundreds of dates, which is the actual definition of Hell for me. He’s very outgoing and has tons of energy (he checks into Soul Cycle at 6am every day according to his Facebook page) so this wasn’t at all surprising to me, but just hearing the phrase “online dating” gives me exhaustion.… Read more

“So, what do you do?”

“So, what do you do?”

I used to dread this question. I’d mumble something like, “I kind of write sometimes and I’m a semi-retired model, what do you do?” Deflecting attention off myself was a constant mission. I never wanted to talk about my life because it never seemed as interesting as what everyone else was doing.… Read more

A man cheated on his wife with me… and she wrote a book about it.

I was 22—fresh out of the Midwest living in LA, optimistic as hell, and still had my lip pierced. The first job I had here was at a camera store. It was pretty shitty, but I got to meet Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper) and oddly enough the man my high school was named after, Loy Norrix.… Read more

Standing up for the “crazy cat lady” in this age of progression

(This article originally appeared on Hello Giggles)

The cat lady: lonely, mid-thirties, has two or more cats, at least one cat-themed item of clothing, and spends a lot of time reading about cats’ behavioral patterns online. Did you know if a cat’s tail is shaped like a question mark they want to play with you?… Read more

Through The (Bulletproof) Looking Glass – My First Jail Visit

“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is the Lynwood jail?”

“6,” texted my lawyer friend.

A stream of unfortunate events involving drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence ended with my friend being arrested and put in jail two weeks ago. She is the furthest thing from a criminal, but with the way her life has been going the past few years it was either this or death.… Read more

The Finish Line: My Racecar Days In Kalamazoo

My first car was a stick-shift. I learned to drive that thing within the first hour of getting it. I loved blasting my Wu-Tang Forever CD and pretending I was a racecar driver through the desolate streets of Kalamazoo, Michigan. There’s nothing more frightening than a 16-year-old with a new driver’s license and love of rap music.… Read more

It’s Hard To Be Interesting When You’re Not Miserable

IMG_4652(Original article posted on The Style Con)

The greatest artists in the world were clinically depressed: Picasso conceived an entire collection of artwork around his sadness; his “Blue Period” was paintings of miserable people and prostitutes. Kafka was suicidal while writing The Metamorphosis, and Bukowski was such a miserable alcoholic he couldn’t help but write about how much he hated everything and everyone.… Read more

So… Birth Control Makes You Attracted To Feminine Men

Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 12.55.38 PM(New post for Lady Clever🙂

I’VE BEEN ON and off (mostly on) birth control pills since I was 18. Preventing unwanted pregnancy, although important, was not the main reason I started taking them. I had cramps that felt like the baby alien from Species was trying to crawl out of my stomach.… Read more

Fellas: Stop Calling Women Crazy

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I’ve heard “we broke up because she was psycho” exactly one million times. Was she? Did she have multiple personalities and try to kill you? Did she create a fake Facebook account and flirt with you to test your loyalty, and when you agreed to meet up with the fake flirt, she showed up with your dead cat on her head that she made into a Davy Crockett hat?… Read more

Real Men Don’t Exist, Well, At Least Not In LA…

New post for Lady Clever:

REMEMBER that scene from Adventures in Babysitting where the gang had to pick up their car at Dawson’s garage?  I don’t know if it’s possible to be in love at 5-years-old, but I would’ve packed up my Care Bears and days-of-the-week underwear and moved to the windy city for Dawson. … Read more