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I Want My Best Friend Back (Part 2)

(Originally appeared on Flip Collective) Part I of “I Want My Best Friend Back.” *** Jane was my roommate, but more importantly—she’s been my best friend for 16 years. She started drinking heavily shortly after she met Don in 2011. For the first few months, Don was suave and charming. He sent her flowers and…

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I Want My Best Friend Back (Part 1)

Originally posted on FlipCollective The 101 Freeway. Bad traffic. On the radio, the quiet hum of NPR’s All Things Considered talking about kids eating laundry pods and getting sick, because kids are idiots. My best friend, Jane, half-asleep/half-passed-out on her pillow. We’re driving to Temecula. Until now, Temecula is only significant as the name of…

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It’s Time To Burn Your Bras Again

(Originally posted on The Style Con) I always thought bras were meant to keep breasts perky while we age. I honestly don’t really need to wear a bra, but I assume wearing one is better than not wearing one. A guy once said to me, “Why do you always wear a bra? You look hot…

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Kendall Jenner Models for Estee Lauder and the World Snores

(Original article posted on The Style Con) Guess who’s the newest face of Estee Lauder? I’ll give you a hint: she’s popular, boring looking, and her older sister is naked in Paper Magazine looking like a centaur. You guessed it, Kendall Jenner! “She is the ultimate instagirl, and we are excited to leverage her image,…

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It’s Hard To Be Interesting When You’re Not Miserable

(Original article posted on The Style Con) The greatest artists in the world were clinically depressed: Picasso conceived an entire collection of artwork around his sadness; his “Blue Period” was paintings of miserable people and prostitutes. Kafka was suicidal while writing The Metamorphosis, and Bukowski was such a miserable alcoholic he couldn’t help but write about…

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Twitter Guilt and the Art of the Unfollow

I follow 966 people on Twitter and 395 on Instagram. That’s way too many to keep up with every joke, brunch photo, and link to the Hollywood Reporter announcing your book deal and TV show. There are some people I’ve been following for years: Kelly Oxford, Shelby Fero, Michael Ian Black, etc. I find them…