Get out of my life, Zoloft

My sister got married last month and I was the maid of honor. She put an insane amount of work into every detail, and she doesn’t even DO cocaine! Incredible. I have a tendency to cry at weddings for no fucking reason at all, so my fake eyelashes were probably a huge mistake. My best friend Lizzy was a bridesmaid, and she is more emotional than all members of Dashboard Confessional (2001, son!). She was just crying the whole weekend, and drinking vodka from water bottles. She also makes lots of lists for no reason, like, writes down temperatures for 10 consecutive days in a row and hangs it next to the thermometer in her apartment. I mean, it’s good to know temperatures, right? I don’t fucking know she’s nuts.

My sister looked hot as shit in her wedding dress, I mean beautiful, excuse my language. As soon as she started walking down the aisle, Lizzy lost it, and then subsequently my mom started crying and then everyone was crying, it was a crying party. Except for me. As I saw my sister walking with my dad, carrying her bouquet, I was happy of course. I had seen my sister go through so many ups and downs in her life and I’d never felt so proud of her. At one point I told myself to cry, because that’s what any normal person with feelings would do. But I couldn’t, and I felt like a zombie. That was the point when I knew Zoloft was robbing me of my life. That sounds crazy, but it’s entirely true.

I missed feeling so happy that I could cry, and the past year of being on Zoloft didn’t allow me to experience that. The drug does exactly what it’s intended to do: keep your serotonin levels balanced. I was in a severe state of neutrality, conversations with people didn’t feel real, I had no memory of emotions from things I did while on Zoloft. It all felt like a haze. Sounds fucking great, right? Ugh. The WORST possible side effect that I did experience was loss of libido. I had a boyfriend at the time, and he was none too happy about this either. The thought of sex wasn’t even on my radar. I felt like I was turning into a prude. I seriously thought this was how the rest of my life was going to be, so I just accepted it. I thought I needed the Zoloft so I wouldn’t kill myself. My doctor even suggested I increase my dosage because I just wasn’t feeling as happy as I wanted. So I increased it. What a great idea, Melissa.

So I did what I should’ve done a long time ago, I stopped taking it. Immediately after it was out of my system I was no longer sleeping 12 hours a day, I enjoyed stupid shit like buying flowers for myself on a sunny day (what kind of monster am I?). I had conversations with people where I didn’t feel like my soul was being sucked into a cloud of nothingness. I had more energy almost instantly. I felt FUCKING FEELINGS. And fucking feelings, like I wanted to have sex. See what I did there? Ugh, forget it. I’m just really happy to be off all medication, even birth control, that shit is just as bad as Zoloft.

Also, I’m actually just a Scientologist trying to recruit you because psychiatric drugs are just a tool for political suppression and created the Holocaust, maaaaan!

Stetten out.

36 thoughts on “Get out of my life, Zoloft”

  1. I was on Zoloft for a while,was very depressed from my girl friend(ex-wife) havin MS an stopping touring to care for her.What a mistake,the Zoloft I mean.That shit fucked up my head worst than anything I have ingested ever,but that’s another story.
    Can relate to the Zombie thing,but the good thing was it made me realize that yes, psychiatric drugs are only good if your goal is to someday soon commit suicide.
    Keep a little empty space in your head …it works wonders as you get older and well older, and you move closer to the unknown.
    Your not Scientology material by the way,you can think for yourself.
    Now go get your cat an you will feel better,you need that connection with something other than humans.
    Later down an worry free~~>>

    1. I say YES,
      to your,
      Keep a little empty space in your head …it works wonders as you get older and well older, and you move closer to the unknown.

  2. Birth control pills destroyed my libido too so I stopped taking them and then started dating girls (seriously) so it all worked out in the end.

    Also, I always felt bad that you were separated from your cat. That’s just wrong. xoxo

  3. What dosages were you on towards the end? did you cut cold turkey? how long have you been off? … just curious. withdrawal, etc…

  4. Meh. I’m corralled on the pharm. Sertraline (Zoloft) & Busporine (Buspar) -For a general discontent with humanity -and paralyzing general anxiety disorder/borderline agoraphobia respectively.
    “Loss” of libido isn’t a negative for me (I have/had many issues but delusional was never one of them.) I only wish I could further morph into a devoid of feeling zombie/Vulcan.
    Although improved, my mental focus is still crap, though I find the selective memory a nice Rx side affect (like forgetting the names of well known pussbucket GOPhers and pop culture reality TV morons.)

  5. I took Xanax once because I convince a Dr. that I that I might be eating like a crazy person because of gave me that “neutral” feeling which really stinks a general rule I believe the less shit in your system, the better. #NotTalkingAboutEnemas

  6. Xanax did that to me … I was on all sorts of anti-depressants/anxiety through my teens, but nothing seemed to make me feel better.
    I was off them for a few years, then felt like I needed something again… so last fall I told my Dr. that I wanted to try something new & he put me on wellbutrin. It’s the first one that made a difference. I googled the lithium orotate & it sounds a lot like how wellbutrin is marketed towards ppl – anxiety, addiction, add, etc…
    Good Stuff

  7. Awh, I can so relate to this post (RE: the Zoloft, the last time I was a bridesmaid I was about 8 for my Dad and he’s an arsehole)!

    I’ve been on Zoloft for about two months and the loss of libido is horrendous. I can’t focus on anything other than reading books I’ve already read about a dozen times so I know what’s actually happening. And the sleeping, it’s like I’m living my life through crazy drug induced dreams because consciousness seems so dull.

    I hope it works out okay for you. And I found your blog through your whole Twitter stake-out of Matthew thing. Just like to say you’ve become my idol and we should get married.

  8. the bit about birth control being as bad as zoloft- so true! not many people seem to have the same experience, but for me, I felt emotionally null on birth control to the point that it really fucked up my relationship. relationship ended, I stopped taking it a few months later, and all the feelings (ALL the feelings) came back.

  9. I’ve been on zoloft. very high dosage for a very long time. libido is normal. I tried to drop from 200 to 150 milligrams and all my old habits started coming back. I’m a train wreck with it, without it gaaaah don’t want to find out.

  10. Oh, I was on Zoloft for a bit when I was with my ex-husband. That shit made me paranoid. How paranoid? I was convinced the garbage man was out to steal my pets and would military crawl passed the window so he would not see me. Yeah. Thanks, Zoloft!

    I quit that shit and then left my woman punching, premature ejaculating, three inch penis, asshole of a husband and suddenly my depression cleared up too. Funny that.

  11. You young people need real jobs…I feel sorry for you…your middle class privilege has made you all zombie deadbeats…you all build house of cards!

  12. TYTYTYTYTYTYTY for this, as it true and precisely what I have experienced with Seroxat. Regardless of what we are told, I think we have to come to term with the fact that ALL emotions are part of life, and hey, let’s face it, something are SAD (or breathtakingly beautiful!), and must be perceived & digested as what they are in order for us to grow. I have returned from the eerie shades of grey to my blacks and whites and things in between. And I am glad I did!

    @D, oh wow better try to be a bit nicer and forgiven to yourself instead of pseudo pitying people who do not need it!

  13. same thing happened to me from prozac. my doctor still insists that i need to take it and it really makes me doubt her ability to determine what might be good for me. yoga, dude. yoga and coffee.

  14. really interesting, Melissa.. many people in my family take Zoloft, one even
    put her kids on it.. i refused to take mind-altering meds that turn you into
    an emotionally empty zombie that can’t feel happiness or joy, just to avoid
    the blue sad parts of life. good for you.

  15. Wow, so glad I wasn’t the only one with the BC problem…and now I know to stay the hell away from Zoloft. What do ya know, your blog is informative AND entertaining. You’d probably be the most lauded textbook author in history.

  16. Have you read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin? You might really like that book. Gretchen spends a year trying to increase her level of happiness by tasking herself with things meant to help. And it really does work.

  17. We read blogs for two main reasons. First to be entertained, second to learn something that we can apply to our lives.

    From Social Media Today … your blog is very entertaining. If you let us see how you progress towards your ultimate goal … doing thing that fulfills you, your blog would go viral. Get yourself unstuck. Just try new things. You have a wonderful writer’s voice which is a gift!

  18. I had awful results with Zoloft…but Cymbalta is working great for me! The only problem is if I skip a day or two the side effects are TERRIBLE. Stay strong!<3

  19. Hey Stetten, Check this article out.
    Take a Pill, Kill Your Sex Drive? 6 Reasons Antidepressants Are Misnamed
    By Bruce E. Levine, AlterNet

  20. You describe it perfectly:
    “I missed feeling so happy that I could cry, and the past year of being on Zoloft didn’t allow me to experience that. The drug does exactly what it’s intended to do: keep your serotonin levels balanced. I was in a severe state of neutrality, conversations with people didn’t feel real, I had no memory of emotions from things I did while on Zoloft. It all felt like a haze.”

    I tried using a few different SSRI’s in high school after I got braces. I went to my mom’s psychiatrist and he put me on Lexapro first, then a few other anti-depressants, but none of them worked obviously. There were also side effects. Much later on he started giving me other things, stimulants and benzos, and they actually helped quite a bit.

    At school I started acting and dressing different. I wasn’t myself. I was usually quiet but on SSRI’s I was less inhibited and I became abnormally talkative in class. I stopped caring about how people saw me. I avoided my real friends and started hanging out with people that I didn’t really like.

    Things that should have been scary to me, like getting stuck in an elevator, didn’t bother me at all. When I was off the pills, I stopped taking the elevator completely because I became anxious and feared getting stuck again.

    If a series of really bad things happen all at once, the universe is trying to inform you that at some point you were careless and created bad karma. The best way to deal with bad karma is to feel it and not avoid the pain you are faced with but sometimes things can be so painful that denial becomes the only choice. You need time to pass before you can acknowledge what happened. You might put off feeling this pain for years, choosing to pretend that everything is ok even though it’s not. Your bad karma will show itself to everyone you talk to. You won’t appear natural or honest. Thus you will be trapped in a robotic way of living, which is very uncomfortable and nagging.

    Begin to be interested in yourself, watch yourself closely. as you observe yourself and your context, avoid judging anything in you or around you as good or bad. Realize that nature is supporting you and everything is fine at the moment. Feel this moment completely.

    As soon as I stopped taking ssri’s, music became more resonant. That night, everything felt more dramatic and I felt everything more deeply. At one point, I heard my brother laugh at something in the front seat and his laugh sounded beautiful. I felt his joy. I hadn’t realized how incredibly numb I had been. I started to notice things that I had not been able to before, like the air from the window on my skin, the glow of the sun, song lyrics.

    Your Drug may be your problem: How and why to stop taking psychiatric medications

    The author of this book suggests considering your options and your values before deciding to use psychiatric medications. he recommends using spirituality and/or friendship to cope before resorting to meds.

  21. We are totally on the same page here Stetten. It was Lithium that did it to me though. And not the one you talked about in an earlier comment, although I have now goggled that as well and it’s very interesting.

    but, I had to stop with the lithium they were giving me. its very nice not to be horribly depressed because i saw the wrong commercial, but the never being happy or sad at all, what the fuck. who would even want to live like that. i need to live a fucking life. i have to feel something. i just don’t want to feel something so bad that it makes me want to jump off of a roof.

    back to the drawing board

  22. Ihave been taking zoloft for 2 months, also take verapamil for the heart , I have been having non stop palpatations which I wasnt having since I was taking verapamil for ,I have been having bad ones for a week now ,stopped the zoloft on thurs and on mon they finally quit could the zoloft cause me to have the palpatations the dr says no

  23. OMG. I feel the same way too! I have been on it for almost three years. I had a nervous breakdown about 3 years ago and started taking 100mg of Zoloft. I stayed on that dose until about 6 months ago. It was too high and I was really apathetic. It was so bad I started to feel suicidal. I was on a 5150 and they lowered my dose to 50mg. I feel better. I can listen to music and enjoy it, but I am a different person now. I gained a lot of weight, dont like to be around people, not intersted in sex at all, not intersted in love or relationships, art or dancing. I am a completely different person. I want to get off the medication, but I am afraid of losing it again. Turing 30 sucks. I am 33 years old and I have no joy in my life. Didnt know life would be this way.

  24. Zoloft saved my life. Sex drive is fine and I don’t feel like driving my car into a wall everyday! I have plenty of emotions, they just aren’t so extreme that people think I’m bat shit crazy anymore… I hate that it doesn’t work the same for everyone but I’m so thankful it’s working for me. Your post was funny as shit btw. I laughed. Not like a crazy maniacal laugh but more like a Zoloft induced even keeled kind of laugh.

  25. i just started taking Zoloft like 4 days ago, 50mg. So far the side effects haven’t been too bad – insomnia, some gastrointestinal issues, and odd crying at weird times (but not like sad crying, just my tear ducts leaking). I actually feel good though. I know it’s only been a few days and this could be placebo effect, but I actually wake up in the mornings wanting to do things now instead of sleeping 18 hours a day and cutting myself off from all my friends/becoming antisocial to the point of agoraphobia. My wife has also noticed that I’m not set off as easily by trivial things like falling behind schedule or waiting in line behind slow people, all the kind of stuff that would normally drive me insane to the point where I’d have to get away from the situation I’d get so agitated. My sex drive is what it was before, which is to say I’m in my 30s and married so it wasn’t where it was 10-15 years ago anyway. My point is insomnia, teary eyes and bathroom breaks are worth all the positivity so far, even if it is just psychosomatic. I’m looking forward to a few weeks from now when it really kicks in. My depression is severe. My folks and my brother are the same way. Weeks go by of having no interest in leaving the house or even my bed. Your story was funny as shit, but so far (and hopefully into the future) this stuff actually works for me.

  26. yeah I’m on the drug zoloft right now taking 75mg and I’m not liking it I’ve been on them for a year but i feel like all they make feel is stressed out for no reason lack of emotions and feelings towards my girlfriend all of a sudden and just a lack of motivation in general i really want to get fucking off them

  27. I can’t believe what I’m hearing here. I think many of you have more problems than you realize and you’ll find yourselves in need of something again in the future, if you ever really needed it in the first place.

    I’ve been on Zoloft for a year now and I can say it has improved my life immensely. I am no longer so anxious about social settings that I stay home, and when I go out I actually talk to other people and have fun! I didn’t do that before Zoloft. When I’m on Facebook and see that my friends are posting all kinds of wonderful stuff that I wasn’t invited to, I no longer get jealous and go into a spiral of depression. It just doesn’t bother me anymore and I’m happy for them and know that eventually I’ll be in some of those pictures too.

    There are negatives. The sexual side effects are the worst, and the only reason that I may choose to someday go off the meds, but that has gotten slowly better with time and I’ve gotten used to living with it. Also, I will say that I have a problem feeling sad things as often or as intensely as I used to. I know it may sound strange to say that I miss feeling sad, but I do. Although, when I think back on the countless hours, days, weeks and years that I felt like there was no hope in this life. That there was not a single reason for me to be alive except for my family’s benefit. When I couldn’t stop crying. Then, I am thankful for my life now, even with the side effects.

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