My sister got married last month and I was the maid of honor. She put an insane amount of work into every detail, and she doesn’t even DO cocaine! Incredible. I have a tendency to cry at weddings for no fucking reason at all, so my fake eyelashes were probably a huge mistake. My best friend Lizzy was a bridesmaid, and she is more emotional than all members of Dashboard Confessional (2001, son!). She was just crying the whole weekend, and drinking vodka from water bottles. She also makes lots of lists for no reason, like, writes down temperatures for 10 consecutive days in a row and hangs it next to the thermometer in her apartment. I mean, it’s good to know temperatures, right? I don’t fucking know she’s nuts.
My sister looked hot as shit in her wedding dress, I mean beautiful, excuse my language. As soon as she started walking down the aisle, Lizzy lost it, and then subsequently my mom started crying and then everyone was crying, it was a crying party. Except for me. As I saw my sister walking with my dad, carrying her bouquet, I was happy of course. I had seen my sister go through so many ups and downs in her life and I’d never felt so proud of her. At one point I told myself to cry, because that’s what any normal person with feelings would do. But I couldn’t, and I felt like a zombie. That was the point when I knew Zoloft was robbing me of my life. That sounds crazy, but it’s entirely true.
I missed feeling so happy that I could cry, and the past year of being on Zoloft didn’t allow me to experience that. The drug does exactly what it’s intended to do: keep your serotonin levels balanced. I was in a severe state of neutrality, conversations with people didn’t feel real, I had no memory of emotions from things I did while on Zoloft. It all felt like a haze. Sounds fucking great, right? Ugh. The WORST possible side effect that I did experience was loss of libido. I had a boyfriend at the time, and he was none too happy about this either. The thought of sex wasn’t even on my radar. I felt like I was turning into a prude. I seriously thought this was how the rest of my life was going to be, so I just accepted it. I thought I needed the Zoloft so I wouldn’t kill myself. My doctor even suggested I increase my dosage because I just wasn’t feeling as happy as I wanted. So I increased it. What a great idea, Melissa.
So I did what I should’ve done a long time ago, I stopped taking it. Immediately after it was out of my system I was no longer sleeping 12 hours a day, I enjoyed stupid shit like buying flowers for myself on a sunny day (what kind of monster am I?). I had conversations with people where I didn’t feel like my soul was being sucked into a cloud of nothingness. I had more energy almost instantly. I felt FUCKING FEELINGS. And fucking feelings, like I wanted to have sex. See what I did there? Ugh, forget it. I’m just really happy to be off all medication, even birth control, that shit is just as bad as Zoloft.
Also, I’m actually just a Scientologist trying to recruit you because psychiatric drugs are just a tool for political suppression and created the Holocaust, maaaaan!