There’s my butt. Deal with it. Photo courtesy of Me In My Place
Nearly half of all men in the world climax with two minutes, according to a study done by Dr. Harry Fisch, author of a new book called “The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups.” He also says most women need an average of 5-7 minutes of vaginal penetration to reach orgasm. That sounds pretty accurate to me, although I’ve only had a handful of orgasms from vaginal sex alone, and most of those were faked.
Dr. Fish also writes:
Not surprisingly, there is an extremely large variation in the time it takes a couple to have sex, ranging from the excessively short (about two minutes or less, which famed sex researcher Alfred Kinsey dryly noted was a “frequent source of marital conflict”) to the “Are you done yet?” (over forty minutes).
I enjoy sex just as much as the rest of you, but there’s no way I want some dude slamming his junk inside of me for 45 minutes straight. That just hurts. This might be a little TMI, but I have a tilted uterus which causes pain from having sex at certain angles. It’s actually called “collision dyspareunia,” and it’s when the penis hits the wall of the cervix and causes pain.
My gyno told me this while doing a routine pap smear. She’s really into making me comfortable during office visits, so when she’s in there feeling around for stuff she always ends each sentence with “…and that’s totally normal.” She’ll be feeling my stomach and say, “Could be a slight bump here, but that’s totally normal, your ovaries feel dense but that’s totally normal, your uterus is tipped but that’s totally normal.”
Wait, my uterus is what?!??
It’s called a retroverted uterus, and it’s when the uterus is tilted backward instead of forward. About one in three women have it. It doesn’t cause any problems with fertility, but it can cause more UTIs than normal or more severe pain during periods. I always thought I was just one of those women who had constant pain during sex, so knowing the cause of the pain was actually a relief. Sorry, dudes who love doggy style, but it feels like a tiny fist punching my uterus. A tiny penis fist. You just pictured that and I probably ruined your day. I’m sorry.
I’ve had sex that’s lasted anywhere from 2 minutes to 6 hours. I was probably on some sort of drugs during the latter, but it’s not like I haven’t experienced long-lasting quality sex. I just prefer shorter sex. There are plenty of other things to do that don’t involve a penis inside a vagina. I personally enjoy waiting until the near-end of our foolin’ around to put his junk in the V. It’s fun to wait and you don’t get all sore.
I’ve put up with relentless marathon sex from amateurs way too much. There is nothing sexy about a guy with the sole mission of pleasing himself during sex. I should be the focus, not you. I have like a million things that need to be happening at the same time for me to orgasm.
One time I had stupid-long sex and my vagina was swollen and burning for a week after. After the condom was rubbing against it for hours, the inside of my vagina felt like a rug burn. I couldn’t wear underwear until it went back to normal. The sex wasn’t even that great, I was just going along with the dude who could barely keep his boner he was so wasted. Being young and thinking you need to please men is so dumb.
I can’t totally blame men, though — my own personal issue with lack of communication back then definitely doesn’t help. My ex-boyfriend probably thinks he’s a sex god because I pretended to enjoy his method of 30-second foreplay before intercourse. He watched porn every day despite us having sex 4-5 times a week so he just wanted a warm and willing receptacle and I happened to be the closest and most-willing participant. I have a self-esteem issue, can you tell?
Does anyone else prefer shorter sex? Or do you think I’m totally nuts?