A man cheated on his wife with me… and she wrote a book about it.

I was 22—fresh out of the Midwest living in LA, optimistic as hell, and still had my lip pierced. The first job I had here was at a camera store. It was pretty shitty, but I got to meet Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper) and oddly enough the man my high school was named after, Loy Norrix.… Read more

Through The (Bulletproof) Looking Glass – My First Jail Visit

“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is the Lynwood jail?”

“6,” texted my lawyer friend.

A stream of unfortunate events involving drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence ended with my friend being arrested and put in jail two weeks ago. She is the furthest thing from a criminal, but with the way her life has been going the past few years it was either this or death.… Read more

The Finish Line: My Racecar Days In Kalamazoo

My first car was a stick-shift. I learned to drive that thing within the first hour of getting it. I loved blasting my Wu-Tang Forever CD and pretending I was a racecar driver through the desolate streets of Kalamazoo, Michigan. There’s nothing more frightening than a 16-year-old with a new driver’s license and love of rap music.… Read more

It’s Hard To Be Interesting When You’re Not Miserable

IMG_4652(Original article posted on The Style Con)

The greatest artists in the world were clinically depressed: Picasso conceived an entire collection of artwork around his sadness; his “Blue Period” was paintings of miserable people and prostitutes. Kafka was suicidal while writing The Metamorphosis, and Bukowski was such a miserable alcoholic he couldn’t help but write about how much he hated everything and everyone.… Read more

So… Birth Control Makes You Attracted To Feminine Men

Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 12.55.38 PM(New post for Lady Clever🙂

I’VE BEEN ON and off (mostly on) birth control pills since I was 18. Preventing unwanted pregnancy, although important, was not the main reason I started taking them. I had cramps that felt like the baby alien from Species was trying to crawl out of my stomach.… Read more

Fellas: Stop Calling Women Crazy

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I’ve heard “we broke up because she was psycho” exactly one million times. Was she? Did she have multiple personalities and try to kill you? Did she create a fake Facebook account and flirt with you to test your loyalty, and when you agreed to meet up with the fake flirt, she showed up with your dead cat on her head that she made into a Davy Crockett hat?… Read more

Real Men Don’t Exist, Well, At Least Not In LA…

New post for Lady Clever:

REMEMBER that scene from Adventures in Babysitting where the gang had to pick up their car at Dawson’s garage?  I don’t know if it’s possible to be in love at 5-years-old, but I would’ve packed up my Care Bears and days-of-the-week underwear and moved to the windy city for Dawson. … Read more

Auditioning To Play A Young Mom Made Me Horrified To Have Children

(Originally posted on XoJane)

I’ve been to my share of “young mom” commercial auditions in the past year, but have yet to book one. I’m in that weird age group where I’m slightly too young looking to be considered a “yogurt-loving-mom” but still too old to be an “attractive hot model.” My agent sends me on the “mom” auditions because I’d rather get lucky at a Pampers audition than have to dance in front of a room full Rockstar Energy Drink CEOs all named “Ryder” while wearing a bikini at a “pool party.”

Yesterday I had an audition to play a “cool ex-hipster kind of mom” for a commercial.… Read more

Dear Bangs, I’m Breaking Up With You

My latest post for xoJane.com:

Dear Bangs,

I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can be with you anymore. I’ve tried different ways to make it work for us, but I honestly don’t know if we’re the perfect fit. I tried blow-drying you different ways, using different brushes and flat irons, but nothing has worked consistently.

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