You are NOT selling your arms, you are selling the clothes!

I should probably be in LA right now going on commercial auditions and working on writing submissions for those shows that seem like they’ll never hire me, but I’m in New York. My bank account needs me to be here. It’s lovely as shit today.… Read more

It’s Really F***ing Hot in NYC

More castings, more waiting.
More castings, more waiting.
I switched birth control pills a few weeks ago to a brand that my insurance covers because I’m sick of paying $100 a month to not have children.  I already get super emotional the week I’m off the pills, but switching to different ones made me extra super woman-y. … Read more

Your portfolio is tacky and your skin sucks.

60's shoot last week in London
60’s shoot last week in London

I woke up this morning- EARLY this morning at 4am because my shit fuck head of a neighbor was up doing drugs and playing the drums.  I called the police. Which is funny because the police were here two days ago to arrest Mark for threating a girl who lives in the building next to us. … Read more

I’m in London and I love it


I’ve been in England for a week – most of which I’ve unfortunately spent drenched in my own jetlag sweats, vomiting expired hazelnut yoghurt into bidets. Other than that blip, and the fact that the combination of bidets and poor nail maintenance is something that the people on the mainland seem overly happy to bear, I love Europe.… Read more

I found myself on one of those “thinspo” sites

If you’ve been a legit model for more than five minutes, you’ll know that being cold and crying takes up an extraordinarily large amount of your time. I’ve got a casting in Tribeca today, and on the way to the subway I just burst into tears.… Read more

I was so close to booking a pregnancy test commercial in Prague.

Last week I had an audition for a pregnancy test commercial. Initially I was about as thrilled as I would have been had I found out that another human being was swimming around in all the beer and anxiety in my gut.… Read more

Being lonely on set is very common…

Every time my phone rings and I see it’s my agent or manager, I automatically think they are calling to reprimand me about some kind of un-PC tweet I might have thrown at the world – like the time I tweeted about how I wanted to kill myself after an audition, for instance.… Read more

Bikini Auditions, ugh…

60071331ee6aaf95af51db911c6bc04aClick pic for column on VICE website

I had an audition for a beer commercial yesterday. I only really showed up on the off-chance they might have been filming it in a palace in Tobago made out of diamonds and filled with innumerable birds of paradise, but it turned out to be the regular kind where a racially diverse group of attractive college kids are partying like they just discovered cocaine.… Read more

Fuck Ever Getting Old – Young Mom Auditions

0305180235f79253a8e1ee5b9ab3f06eClick pic for column on VICE

I always imagined it would be during a life-changing relationship that I’d have the epiphany I was ready to be a mother. Apparently last week my booker decided to go ahead and make that decision for me.… Read more

Everyone in My Hometown Thinks I’m a Superstar

d757e1e80149cf0ec4178deb73af2071Click pic for column on VICE website.

As much as every smug fuck with a blow out in Whole Foods likes to pretend they’re a native New Yorker, no one really comes from Manhattan or downtown LA. Sorry to everyone out there who thinks the skyscrapers are where they put all the Goodfellas and Wanderers when they escape their lives of street crime and make it big, but these places are actually just inhabited by the most rich and attractive people from the small, shitty nowhere towns littered across North America.… Read more