I Hate Makeup & Feminism

I believe in equal rights for women, but at the same time my occupation is based on the encouragement of objectifying women for their looks. So what does that say about me other than I look good in sample size Alexander Wang? I’m taking advantage of the system… I think. I moved to New York in January with complete intentions of working in the photography business. I had been a model for a year in Los Angeles while in art school, but the market there is very tough unless you have bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, fake boobs, and a tan. I decided it was probably for the best that I hadn’t succeeded, and moved to the east coast. I’m obnoxiously stubborn and hate giving up on things before I conquer them. I thought I should at least give the NYC modeling market a try. I found an agency within a week of moving here and starting booking jobs nonstop. I’ve only taken two weeks vacation since I started 9 months ago, and have almost finished my goal of paying off student loans.

So it was a success. Big fucking deal.

At what point does money stop becoming a factor in my life? Is it when I’m completely out of debt? I’ve given myself time limits on modeling:

-Stop before I’m 30 so I have time to get a real job
-Stop when student loans are paid off
-Stop when I contemplate getting botox and/or plastic surgery
-Stop when I go through menopause

My thoughts will go on like this until I pop a xanax. My friends tell me to do it until I can’t take in anymore because as much as I hate it- it’s not an office job. Hey, that’s good enough for me. I’d rather wipe off 2 inches of MAC foundation every night than sit at a desk thinking I have restless leg syndrome or cancer because WebMD told me so.

Am I an anti-feminist because I’m a model? I don’t know. If a company is willing to pay me an absurd amount of money to use my image after a 4 hour photo shoot, I’m not going to say no. Corporate greed disgusts me as much as everyone else, but they are the companies that pay me. If I can book a job because I have blue eyes and bangs then fuck it, why not? Women’s images sell products, it’s not a secret. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The media makes it seem like young girls are being brainwashed to look pretty and throw up their lunches. No, they’re not. SOME girls are doing that. I’m smart enough to understand that I don’t NEED to be bulimic to be accepted. People are just exposed more for who they are. There will always be the women who are smart, strong, confident, and don’t care about their looks.