Author: Melissa

A man cheated on his wife with me… and she wrote a book about it.

Not surprisingly, it didn’t take long for me to succumb to the LA stereotype of dating an older man. My first job in LA  (well, second, if you count being a personal assistant to a woman who transcribed medical records and claimed she was psychic) was at a camera rental store on Melrose Avenue, not the trendy part- the shitty part by the freeway.… Read more

Through The (Bulletproof) Looking Glass – My First Jail Visit

“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is the Lynwood jail?”

“6,” texted my lawyer friend.

A stream of unfortunate events involving drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence ended with my friend being arrested and put in jail two weeks ago. She is the furthest thing from a criminal, but with the way her life has been going the past few years it was either this or death.… Read more

The Finish Line: My Racecar Days In Kalamazoo

My first car was a stick-shift. I learned to drive that thing within the first hour of getting it. I loved blasting my Wu-Tang Forever CD and pretending I was a racecar driver through the desolate streets of Kalamazoo, Michigan. There’s nothing more frightening than a 16-year-old with a new driver’s license and love of rap music.… Read more

Auditioning To Play A Young Mom Made Me Horrified To Have Children

(Originally posted on XoJane)

I’ve been to my share of “young mom” commercial auditions in the past year, but have yet to book one. I’m in that weird age group where I’m slightly too young looking to be considered a “yogurt-loving-mom” but still too old to be an “attractive hot model.” My agent sends me on the “mom” auditions because I’d rather get lucky at a Pampers audition than have to dance in front of a room full Rockstar Energy Drink CEOs all named “Ryder” while wearing a bikini at a “pool party.”

Yesterday I had an audition to play a “cool ex-hipster kind of mom” for a commercial.… Read more

Lexapro Has Saved My Life But I’m Afraid I’ll Never Stop Taking It

I don’t disagree with the consensus that doctors are overprescribing medications for mental disorders, but I’m not sure I’d be where I am without them.

My first prescription was for Zoloft six years ago. It took the “edge” off of my life, but also made me super lethargic and tired.… Read more

Accutane Saved My Life But Also Made Me A Total Bitch For Six Months

THANK GOD for Accutane.

It completely changed my life. I wish a doctor had given it to me at 15 rather than 25, though. No one told me to stop eating cheese and chocolate and all those deep fried mozzarella sticks that were probably making my skin worse.… Read more

You are NOT selling your arms, you are selling the clothes!

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I should probably be in LA right now going on commercial auditions and working on writing submissions for those shows that seem like they’ll never hire me, but I’m in New York. My bank account needs me to be here. It’s lovely as shit today.… Read more