I wrote an essay for Aeon about my life as a model.
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Just Another Few Months
I remember reading Joan Didion’s Goodbye To All That essay about New York City before I even left Michigan. Eight years later I understand it completely.
One of my favorite quotes from it:
“…it never occurred to me that I was living a real life there.… Read more
You are NOT selling your arms, you are selling the clothes!
I should probably be in LA right now going on commercial auditions and working on writing submissions for those shows that seem like they’ll never hire me, but I’m in New York. My bank account needs me to be here. It’s lovely as shit today.… Read more
It’s nice to just lay here and listen to music with someone
It’s my last day in New York and I’m much sadder than I thought I’d be. I survived the G train, heat wave, castings, jobs, and a quick trip to Michigan. Although I think I’m coming back for fashion week, it feels like my summer fun has ended.… Read more
Frances Ha, Lawyers, Dead People, and Taxi Drivers
I was sitting on a bench inside the Bergen St. subway station in Brooklyn, sweating like Rush Limbaugh, when a guy carrying a messenger bag sat next to me. He had the NY Times crossword puzzle almost done. Well, he could’ve just put random letters in there hoping to sit next to a young cute girl and accidentally on purpose show it to her.… Read more
It’s Really F***ing Hot in NYC
I switched birth control pills a few weeks ago to a brand that my insurance covers because I’m sick of paying $100 a month to not have children. I already get super emotional the week I’m off the pills, but switching to different ones made me extra super woman-y. … Read more
This is what I do when I work…
Regis shoot I did in Manchester in April. Looooots of sitting around and not saying anything.… Read more
I’m bad at relationships
I haven’t booked a modeling job in over a month because my print agency here in Los Angeles has only sent me on one casting since I’ve been back from London. They either hate me or forgot about me. I’m still deciding whether I should go to New York or London for a few months this summer so I can book jobs to pay rent in my cheap Koreatown apartment and spend $9,000 on kale at Whole Foods. … Read more
NYC, London, Manchester, LA
I’ve been trying to not be a model for a while, but it’s addicting. I feel like shit most of the time when I’m not booking jobs, but then a job comes along that pays my rent for a few months. … Read more
Your portfolio is tacky and your skin sucks.
I woke up this morning- EARLY this morning at 4am because my shit fuck head of a neighbor was up doing drugs and playing the drums. I called the police. Which is funny because the police were here two days ago to arrest Mark for threating a girl who lives in the building next to us. … Read more
Decisions
I was just in the UK for a month where I found myself a London agency and learned to drive on the other side of the road. I initially was going to be there for two weeks visiting James but the first week I was a victim to jet lag, and had some 24 hour vomiting flu thing. … Read more
I’m in London and I love it
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/hey-everyone-im-in-london
I’ve been in England for a week – most of which I’ve unfortunately spent drenched in my own jetlag sweats, vomiting expired hazelnut yoghurt into bidets. Other than that blip, and the fact that the combination of bidets and poor nail maintenance is something that the people on the mainland seem overly happy to bear, I love Europe.… Read more
I found myself on one of those “thinspo” sites
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/am-i-going-to-be-remembered-by-my-dress-size
If you’ve been a legit model for more than five minutes, you’ll know that being cold and crying takes up an extraordinarily large amount of your time. I’ve got a casting in Tribeca today, and on the way to the subway I just burst into tears.… Read more
Being lonely on set is very common…
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/bored-out-of-my-mind-at-sony-studios
Every time my phone rings and I see it’s my agent or manager, I automatically think they are calling to reprimand me about some kind of un-PC tweet I might have thrown at the world – like the time I tweeted about how I wanted to kill myself after an audition, for instance.… Read more
My Audition for Guardians of the Galaxy
Bikini Auditions, ugh…
Click pic for column on VICE website
I had an audition for a beer commercial yesterday. I only really showed up on the off-chance they might have been filming it in a palace in Tobago made out of diamonds and filled with innumerable birds of paradise, but it turned out to be the regular kind where a racially diverse group of attractive college kids are partying like they just discovered cocaine.… Read more
Fuck Ever Getting Old – Young Mom Auditions
Click pic for column on VICE
I always imagined it would be during a life-changing relationship that I’d have the epiphany I was ready to be a mother. Apparently last week my booker decided to go ahead and make that decision for me.… Read more
Everyone in My Hometown Thinks I’m a Superstar
Click pic for column on VICE website.
As much as every smug fuck with a blow out in Whole Foods likes to pretend they’re a native New Yorker, no one really comes from Manhattan or downtown LA. Sorry to everyone out there who thinks the skyscrapers are where they put all the Goodfellas and Wanderers when they escape their lives of street crime and make it big, but these places are actually just inhabited by the most rich and attractive people from the small, shitty nowhere towns littered across North America.… Read more
This Year Was Fucking Nuts
I wanted to post my favorite photos from this year, but upon reminiscing over the past 12 months I realized a lot of weird and fun shit happened. So I’m posting my favorite moments from this year.
Went to the Caribbean and zip lined in Jamaica.… Read more
Backstage Bulimia
I’m in an Italian designer’s showroom sitting on a cold cement floor at my 13th and last casting of the day. Across from me is a model who doesn’t look a day over 15. She’s reading Catcher in the Rye.… Read more