Uncategorized – Page 2

Everyone in My Hometown Thinks I’m a Superstar

Click pic for column on VICE website.

As much as every smug fuck with a blow out in Whole Foods likes to pretend they’re a native New Yorker, no one really comes from Manhattan or downtown LA. Sorry to everyone out there who thinks the skyscrapers are where they put all the Goodfellas and Wanderers when they escape their lives of street crime and make it big, but these places are actually just inhabited by the most rich and attractive people from the small, shitty nowhere towns littered across North America.… Read more

This Year Was Fucking Nuts

I wanted to post my favorite photos from this year, but upon reminiscing over the past 12 months I realized a lot of weird and fun shit happened. So I’m posting my favorite moments from this year.

Went to the Caribbean and zip lined in Jamaica.… Read more

Backstage Bulimia

Weekly column for VICE is up…

I’m in an Italian designer’s showroom sitting on a cold cement floor at my 13th and last casting of the day. Across from me is a model who doesn’t look a day over 15. She’s reading Catcher in the Rye.… Read more

Fashion Week Castings

Unless you are one of the top 100 models in the world, your payment for a fashion show is equivalent to a mediocre stripper’s tips on a Monday night. Sometimes you don’t get paid actual money at all. “Trade” is the main source of currency during Fashion Week.… Read more

I’m Drowning in Bird Shit and Self Pity

I’m a shitty model. I book the shitty jobs. I’ll occasionally book a huge print ad that supplies me with enough money to support my coke habit for at least a few months. I’m kidding of course. My salary disappears into designer clothes and therapist appointments.… Read more

Weekly column for VICE!

I’m writing a weekly column for VICE UK. Here’s the first one: http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/melissa-stetten-pretty-bored-column
Hi. I’m Melissa. I’ll be writing a weekly column for VICE until I run out of things to say or you stop reading, whichever comes first. It’s like the car warranty where you’re covered up to 50,000 miles or for three years, at which point they bend you over the trunk and fuck you in exchange to fix your brakes.… Read more

Important Meetings

I’ve been living in LA for the past few months trying to do… something… I’m not exactly sure what that is. I’ve gone to “general” meetings and pitched TV shows and ideas to production companies. I had a meeting on the Sony lot in Culver City last week.… Read more

That one time a gross photographer kissed me

Test shoots are essential for models to keep their portfolios up to date. Half of my photos are from jobs and the other half are from non-paying shoots. I hate test shoots. There’s a 50/50 chance I’ll actually receive the photos.… Read more

The Commercial Audition

Commercial auditions are the equivalent of selling your soul to play air guitar with a can of Coke. You’re basically a puppet for casting directors to see how far you’ll go to book a $20,000 paying national commercial. I’ve gone to tons of callbacks for commercials but I have yet to book one of the big ones, I’ve only done the smaller shitty ones.… Read more

You’re pretty, so everything must be easy for you.

If being pretty solves all your problems, then I must be living in some sort of fucked up world that Rod Serling couldn’t even write. Maybe one episode of the Twilight Zone where that crazy broad Janet gets plastic surgery to improve her looks but it does nothing and everyone looks like monsters or something, I don’t actually remember, it doesn’t fucking matter.… Read more

“I love her!”

Oh goodie, it’s market month again. That means two things: I’ll make decent money and I’ll be bored out of my fucking mind. I’m actually writing this from a showroom, wearing a nude-colored american apparel one piece swimsuit and uncomfortable heels so I’m ready to run over to a designer’s rack in case clients need to see clothing on a model.… Read more

No Thanks, Brian.

The next time you lie about your marriage, just remember that the internet is a thing that still exists.

Fit Modeling & Lisa

I booked a job as a fit model, their normal model was out of town or something so I replaced her for the day. Fit modeling is comparable to showroom work, I call it the office job of modeling. It pays well but it is not glamorous by any means.… Read more

Get out of my life, Zoloft

My sister got married last month and I was the maid of honor. She put an insane amount of work into every detail, and she doesn’t even DO cocaine! Incredible. I have a tendency to cry at weddings for no fucking reason at all, so my fake eyelashes were probably a huge mistake.… Read more

“You chose to be a model, deal with it.”

What if I started this blog with “Hey guys, been SUPER busy lately, no time to update you on my SUPER important life because I’ve been doing SUPER awesome things that YOU wouldn’t understand.” How much would you hate me? SO MUCH!… Read more

Blue Balls

I spent last week going to castings and callbacks for a huge client. I did a job for them last year which could afford me a small shitty house in the northern peninsula of Michigan. In hindsight I probably should have moved there and married an ice fisherman.… Read more

Envy

I take the subway downtown to the last stop, which is basically the hub of Wall Street. It’s the part of New York where you’d expect to see Gordon Gecko jerking off all over the cobblestone streets and men with briefcases yelling on cellphones.… Read more

Fashion Week (Month) & Mental Breakdowns

Fashion week: F/W12 or A/W12, whatever, Fall and Autumn are the same fucking thing. I only had 2 mental breakdowns this season, that’s quite a feat for me. I’m currently flying to Miami drinking a bloody mary and sitting next to the human equivalent of Gollum.… Read more

Food

I get a call from my agent at 6pm for a 6:30pm casting.

“You’re their favorite, it’s very important Melissa, make sure to look your best. Remember we had that talk about getting as many new clients as possible? Well this is one of them.”

Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve heard that before.… Read more

Age & Looks & All That Bullshit

I’m in my 20s still but would be considered ancient in the modeling world. I have nothing to worry about, really, other than my appearance. That sentence just sounds absurd but it’s my primary burden being a model. You’ve heard all models say “I was SOOO ugly in high school blah blah acne skinny wah wah…” but it was true for me, I had atrocious skin and a dumb lip piercing.… Read more