by Melissa Stetten
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/hey-everyone-im-in-london
I’ve been in England for a week – most of which I’ve unfortunately spent drenched in my own jetlag sweats, vomiting expired hazelnut yoghurt into bidets. Other than that blip, and the fact that the combination of bidets and poor nail maintenance is something that the people on the mainland seem overly happy to bear, I love Europe.… Read more
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/am-i-going-to-be-remembered-by-my-dress-size
If you’ve been a legit model for more than five minutes, you’ll know that being cold and crying takes up an extraordinarily large amount of your time. I’ve got a casting in Tribeca today, and on the way to the subway I just burst into tears.… Read more
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/im-pregnant-and-im-going-to-prague
Last week I had an audition for a pregnancy test commercial. Initially I was about as thrilled as I would have been had I found out that another human being was swimming around in all the beer and anxiety in my gut.… Read more
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/bored-out-of-my-mind-at-sony-studios
Every time my phone rings and I see it’s my agent or manager, I automatically think they are calling to reprimand me about some kind of un-PC tweet I might have thrown at the world – like the time I tweeted about how I wanted to kill myself after an audition, for instance.… Read more
Click pic for column on VICE website
I had an audition for a beer commercial yesterday. I only really showed up on the off-chance they might have been filming it in a palace in Tobago made out of diamonds and filled with innumerable birds of paradise, but it turned out to be the regular kind where a racially diverse group of attractive college kids are partying like they just discovered cocaine.… Read more
Click pic for column on VICE
I always imagined it would be during a life-changing relationship that I’d have the epiphany I was ready to be a mother. Apparently last week my booker decided to go ahead and make that decision for me.… Read more
Click pic for column on VICE website.
As much as every smug fuck with a blow out in Whole Foods likes to pretend they’re a native New Yorker, no one really comes from Manhattan or downtown LA. Sorry to everyone out there who thinks the skyscrapers are where they put all the Goodfellas and Wanderers when they escape their lives of street crime and make it big, but these places are actually just inhabited by the most rich and attractive people from the small, shitty nowhere towns littered across North America.… Read more
I’m in an Italian designer’s showroom sitting on a cold cement floor at my 13th and last casting of the day. Across from me is a model who doesn’t look a day over 15. She’s reading Catcher in the Rye.… Read more
Unless you are one of the top 100 models in the world, your payment for a fashion show is equivalent to a mediocre stripper’s tips on a Monday night. Sometimes you don’t get paid actual money at all. “Trade” is the main source of currency during Fashion Week.… Read more
I’m a shitty model. I book the shitty jobs. I’ll occasionally book a huge print ad that supplies me with enough money to support my coke habit for at least a few months. I’m kidding of course. My salary disappears into designer clothes and therapist appointments.… Read more
I’m writing a weekly column for VICE UK. Here’s the first one: http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/melissa-stetten-pretty-bored-column
Hi. I’m Melissa. I’ll be writing a weekly column for VICE until I run out of things to say or you stop reading, whichever comes first. It’s like the car warranty where you’re covered up to 50,000 miles or for three years, at which point they bend you over the trunk and fuck you in exchange to fix your brakes.… Read more
